rnicrophone:

bombing:

cop: who the hell ordered all these pizzas

me: you said i got one phone call

image

(via laughbitches)

Sunday, July 27 with 295,637 notes

putaregui:

showing anything fifth harmony-related to my friends like

image

(via fckboyniall)

Sunday, July 27 with 242 notes

theinnkeeperlibrarian:

leepacey:

a restaurant in my hometown got a review that said the servers should “show some skin” so the owner added a potato skin special to the menu and all the proceeds from the special go to the west virginia foundation for rape information services (x)

That’s exactly the appropriate response.

(via laughbitches)

Sunday, July 27 with 233,415 notes

sernacht:

So, I was in the car today and saw someone with the license plate “X0DUS3 5”, so I thought it was like Exodus 3:5 and I looked it up, and do you know what it said?

"Do not come any closer"

(via teejaysocal)

Sunday, July 27 with 65,199 notes

pineplapple:

In New Zealand our drinking age is 18 but the drink driving tolerance for under 20s is zero and my friend who’s a cop said he gets great pleasure out of breathalising sober under 20 year olds and watching the terror fill their face as he tells them they’re 10 times over the legit drinking limit cause ten times zero is still zero

(via laughbitches)

Sunday, July 27 with 97,759 notes

refreshes:

refreshes:

every time someone asks me what they should watch on netflix i always say Tarzan 2 and they always get upset with me??? Tarzan 2 was a great movie

image

image

image

I DONT UNDERSTAND!?!?!?!?????

(via ruinedchildhood)

Sunday, July 27 with 7,119 notes

ice-cream-and-cigarettes:

achievement-hunter:

miggylol:

pumpkin spice candles soon

pumpkin lattes soon

pumpkin everything

image

image

(via sweetchildofdixie)

Sunday, July 27 with 217,713 notes

nofaddano:

guy: psstt! look at me while you suck. i wanna see those eyes
girl: *looks up*
guy: image

(via teejaysocal)

Sunday, July 27 with 138,387 notes

fileformat:

me: 🌷
thicc boy: 🍆
me: 🌺

(via laughbitches)

Sunday, July 27 with 16,086 notes
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